Table for Two

Why I'm at far fewer events

For the past three years, I’ve been (trying to) organize writer get-togethers in NYC. I was inspired to do so after going to Bouchercon, the mystery writers conference that takes place every September. After attending my first one in 2022, I came home feeling the euphoria of spending several days meeting people whose work I’ve admired from a distance, sharing ideas about craft, and the overall feeling of warmth you get when you feel you are at home. With so many writers living in NYC, I thought to myself, why can’t we do this more often without the travel expenses and conference fees.

Over the course of those three years, I’ve learned the hard way that you have a better chance of gathering 100 cats when there are treats in the other room than you do of getting writers to show up to something regularly. Some folks came to read from their work, and then we never saw them again. Others always seemed to have a scheduling conflict. Whatever the reason, I admitted defeat.

Soon thereafter, I offered to take an author visiting New York to lunch, and they graciously accepted. I wanted to tell them how much I admired their debut novel and ask about their next project that makes them excited to sit at a keyboard for hours at a time. They asked me how the writer gatherings were going, and I told them how I had surrendered. “I guess people didn’t feel it was a valuable enough idea to want to participate regularly,” I said, feeling a bit sorry for myself.

“Well, I’m glad we did lunch instead,” my writer friend said. “I’m not comfortable in those settings anyway. It was so much better getting to know you this way.” And that’s when the light in my empty brain went on, because she was right. This was much better. Because in those crowded rooms, what we really want is to have genuine conversations with people we admire and respect. I was so grateful for the lesson in humility and another opportunity to pursue what I wanted all along: a genuine connection with other writers.

Now, when I read an author whose work I greatly admire, I feel more confident taking the time to reach out to them to express my appreciation of their work. I offer a standing invitation if they’re ever in town to join me for a meal, especially at a place they’ve always wanted to try. And a funny thing happened… writers started to show up. And it’s turned into some wonderful new friendships that will last far longer than any event I could create. There are even a few of us who have started meeting up together semi-regularly. (Names redacted to protect the not-so-innocent.)

The last few months have had me reevaluating my relationships with many people and activities. Are these people and experiences helping me grow? Do I keep repeating my mistakes out of ego? I get older by the day, but I still have plenty of room to learn. Hopefully, I still have plenty of time as well.

What I’m Reading

A Gorgeous Excitement – Cynthia Weiner

Many aspects of this book are timeless: teenagers trying to stand out while fitting in, and the pressure to grow up faster than one wants. But this debut novel by Cynthia Weiner beautifully captures a moment in time in NYC where teenage innocence is forever changed by a murder that takes place during a sexual encounter in Central Park that dominates the tabloids. Cynthia knew some of the people involved in the actual case, and she brings an unparalleled authenticity to this fictionalized version of what happens when desire causes us to override our better judgment.

Counting Backwards – Binnie Kirshenbaum

Joyce Carol Oates highly recommended this book, and it lived up to her praise. It’s a novel about a middle-aged couple struggling with the husband’s diagnosis of dementia. It’s an extraordinary account of the painful reality when you can no longer recognize the person you love most.

Maria La Divina – Jerome Charyn

I was grateful to get an advanced copy of my friend Jerone’s new book, a novel about the iconic opera singer, Maria Callas. I admire how prolific an author Jerome is, and he centers his stories around fascinating people.

Found Treasures

Thomas Pynchon has a new book coming out this fall. Many think Pynchon has been a complete recluse, but I have a friend who swears he’s talked to him several times at Knicks games, though never about his work.

250 years ago today, Paul Revere went for a ride.

I upgraded my New York Times subscription to access the sports section, which also gave me access to the Cooking section, which has been way cooler. Every day I realize how wrong I’ve been doing things, but at least I’m figuring it out.

I want to love Bluesky. I really do. And while people definitely tend to be more polite, and the moderation is much better there, I wish there were more conversations going on there.

The Frick Collection reopened after a substantial renovation. I’m stoked to get back and visit.

My dear friend Lenore Riegel told me about this wonderful book, The Sleeve Should Be Illegal, which is a compilation of people talking about their favorite art at the Frick. Her husband and my pal Jerome Charyn contributed to it.

John Belushi would have been an amazing Ghostbuster.

Had I known the Go-Go’s were going to play at Coachella, I might have actually broken my “I’m never going to Coachella” vow.

Sam Rosen is a New York institution, and his voice will be missed. Thanks for the memories, Sam.

Have a wonderful and creative week!